Attention Deficit Dis…

This week in my education class we are learning about A.D.H.D. Which is pretty cool because I get to learn more about the disorder that I have been living with (not suffering from) since I was a child. The only problem is it is taking me forever to finish reading the chapter!

Well, I can’t say that every other chapter has been any easier to finish, because they haven’t. It is utterly frustrating. I know that I am perfectly able to finish each chapter in a timely fashion, but I don’t.

I can have all the motivation in the world to sit here and get this chapter read but my mind is all, “The lighting in the room is too dim/bright, the people outside need to shut up, the pictures in the textbook do not match what I am reading, my room is too messy, I should check Facebook, (sings song that has been stuck in head for a week), I need to get my nails done, I can’t believe I said/did that ___ years ago, I’ll just quickly check pinterest and wordpress, etc.”

I don’t even know if this makes sense, but that is okay because it is ridiculously hard to explain what it is like trying to study with A.D.D.

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A Drink With an Old Friend

Over this past weekend I met up with an old high school friend of mine for some after-work drinks. Prior to this meeting we hadn’t seen or spoken to each other for about five years, so I was a bit anxious to see how the night would unfold. When I saw her, however, that anxiousness turned into excitement and we went on to have a really great time catching up with each other.

On the way home, I began to feel a little bit guilty that I let all of these years go by without contacting her to at least say hello. I mean, it is not like she didn’t cross my mind from time to time, so why couldn’t I have simply have logged on to Facebook and shoot her a quick, “Hello, how are you” message? I think part of the reason for my failure to stay in touch stems from my anxiety disorder and my fear of making myself vulnerable to rejection, yet, I think the bigger part of the reason just has to do with life itself. It is easy to get caught up in life’s daily struggles and accomplishments, so much so that you begin to only think about the present and the future, never the past.

While it is important to not dwell in the past, it is equally as important to take some time to revisit the past. Looking into the past allows you to make sense of the present. Which is what I believe happened to me when I met up with a friend from my past. I was able to take a step back and understand that sometimes, people lose touch for no reason other than the fact that life took them in different directions. And that is okay, because life also has a funny way of leading those very people right back to you.

Georgie Girl

Last night, there was a knock at my door. When I went to open it I was shocked to find my beloved dog, Georgie. My shock quickly turned to pure joy as she came bounding through the door, greeting me with dozens of those big sloppy kisses that I have missed so much. Overcome with excitement, I fell to the floor and took her into my arms. I held on to her as tightly as could, determined to never let her go again. Eventually, I released my hold on her, taking her furry head in to my hands I looked her in her eyes as she looked back at me. It was as if time had stopped. It was me and her, just as it used to be. I was trying to take it all in when she suddenly stood up and ran away from me toward a light in the distance. Panic took over as I began to chase her yelling at her to come back, but with every step I took, the light become brighter and my sight of her became weaker. I continued to chase her until the light became so powerful that I was forced to look away. And then I woke up.

I cannot believe that it has been almost a year since I have had to say goodbye to my Georgie girl. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I remember carrying her to the car and into the vets office. I remember petting her and telling her how much I loved her. I remember my dad lifting her up onto the cold, metal table. I remember holding her head as the life slowly left her body. It was one of the hardest days of my life.

Georgie was so much more than just my childhood dog, she was my best friend. For fifteen years of my life, she was always right by my side, filling even my darkest days with love and joy. As hard as it is to accept that I will never again be able to hold her, I find peace knowing that I can look forward to seeing her in my dreams. She will forever be my Georgie girl.

my georgie girl