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Hello Everyone!

As I predicted I have not kept up this blog at all! Life has been both cruel and kind since the last time I opened this website. In my time away I have begun to really find myself. I have learned more about life during these past months than I ever had in my 24 years on this planet. The most important of those lessons being that school is not for me.

That is right, ladies and gentlemen, I dropped out. My past posts about how much I wanted to be a high school English teacher was a mere phase. I have since learned that the teaching life is not for me (will explain in the posts to come) and have come to terms with the fact that I don’t really know where my future lay. And, in all honesty, I am quiet alright with that. I have spent too much time forcing myself to be someone I am not rather than embracing myself for who I am; a young woman who doesn’t know where she is going or where she belongs in this crazy thing we call life.

My goal is to use this site as a platform to express myself creatively and allow myself to explore the ins and outs of life through my writing. From this point forward, my blog will be centered around my writing, creative and personal. I just ask that you all bear with me while I get myself situated and reclaim this blog. I look forward to sharing my craft with you all.

Much Thanks and Many Blessings,

Kaitlyn Dirksen

[P.S. I am always open to sharing ideas with others as well as sharing our stories. If you are interested in creating an online writers circle feel free to e-mail me at kaitlyn.c.dirksen@gmail.com, I am always looking for new writing friends!]

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Writing.

I have always loved to write. When I was a kid I would write short stories, usually consisting of a girl (me) embarking on some adventure with an animal or two. By no means were they good, the grammar was appalling, but my imagination was so vivid and expanding, I would create multiple tales.

 I can still remember how I would clearly envision the sequence of events to the point where it it felt as though I had lived it. I would get so excited just thinking about my story coming to life that I wouldn’t stop until it was finished.

However, my childhood innocence has since disappeared and real life has been experienced.

While my passion for writing has never died, my willingness to do has. For writing brings things to life and there are some things that I would rather leave dead. I am scared to write certain things for the sole reason that once the words have escaped my mind they are no longer safe. Not only from prying eyes but from myself.

I want to be able to write uninhibited; fearless of what my hand will scrawl onto the paper. In short, I want to tell my story but I am not ready to read it.

 

Attention Deficit Dis…

This week in my education class we are learning about A.D.H.D. Which is pretty cool because I get to learn more about the disorder that I have been living with (not suffering from) since I was a child. The only problem is it is taking me forever to finish reading the chapter!

Well, I can’t say that every other chapter has been any easier to finish, because they haven’t. It is utterly frustrating. I know that I am perfectly able to finish each chapter in a timely fashion, but I don’t.

I can have all the motivation in the world to sit here and get this chapter read but my mind is all, “The lighting in the room is too dim/bright, the people outside need to shut up, the pictures in the textbook do not match what I am reading, my room is too messy, I should check Facebook, (sings song that has been stuck in head for a week), I need to get my nails done, I can’t believe I said/did that ___ years ago, I’ll just quickly check pinterest and wordpress, etc.”

I don’t even know if this makes sense, but that is okay because it is ridiculously hard to explain what it is like trying to study with A.D.D.

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Georgie Girl

Last night, there was a knock at my door. When I went to open it I was shocked to find my beloved dog, Georgie. My shock quickly turned to pure joy as she came bounding through the door, greeting me with dozens of those big sloppy kisses that I have missed so much. Overcome with excitement, I fell to the floor and took her into my arms. I held on to her as tightly as could, determined to never let her go again. Eventually, I released my hold on her, taking her furry head in to my hands I looked her in her eyes as she looked back at me. It was as if time had stopped. It was me and her, just as it used to be. I was trying to take it all in when she suddenly stood up and ran away from me toward a light in the distance. Panic took over as I began to chase her yelling at her to come back, but with every step I took, the light become brighter and my sight of her became weaker. I continued to chase her until the light became so powerful that I was forced to look away. And then I woke up.

I cannot believe that it has been almost a year since I have had to say goodbye to my Georgie girl. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I remember carrying her to the car and into the vets office. I remember petting her and telling her how much I loved her. I remember my dad lifting her up onto the cold, metal table. I remember holding her head as the life slowly left her body. It was one of the hardest days of my life.

Georgie was so much more than just my childhood dog, she was my best friend. For fifteen years of my life, she was always right by my side, filling even my darkest days with love and joy. As hard as it is to accept that I will never again be able to hold her, I find peace knowing that I can look forward to seeing her in my dreams. She will forever be my Georgie girl.

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I am starting to get on my own nerves

I have been “writing a paper” for the past couple of hours, and still I haven’t accomplished anything. It’s not like I am not trying to write this paper, it is just that every time I begin to focus on one aspect of this piece of literature I find another aspect that I could write about. Then when I have finally found what my focus will be, I know what I want to write about but I can’t seem to get the words out. So then I think about it and convince myself that I need to find a new focus point and then the cycle beings all over again. I don’t even realize I am doing it until I glance at the clock and realize that I have wasted an hour or two.

I have all of these great ideas swarming around in my head. But as soon as I put pen to paper they all want to escape at the same time causing my brain to go on overdrive and then just completely crash.

IT IS SO FRUSTRATING!

 

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Going Back to High School

This semester I am completing my second field experience, meaning I will be going into a school and observing a class (teacher and students). I have been waiting to find out what school I have been assigned all week. Today, I finally saw the email I was waiting and when I opened it up I was shocked to find I was assigned to good o’l Albert Einstein High. The four years I spent there I can honestly say were the worst four years of my life. I never though in a million years that I would ever step foot in that god-forsaken place again. But here I am, assigned to go back. Life is funny that way, you finally leave the place were you spent four miserable years of your life only to return there nearly 5 years. I like to think that everything happens for a reason, and maybe the reason for this is to prove to me how far I have come and remind me of why I have embarked on this journey to becoming a high school teacher.