A Walk Through the Past

Today I had my field experience orientation at Einstein. It was so weird to walk through the hallways of my old high school. Everything felt so different, yet it felt the same. So many memories came back to me all at once, I could still feel the insecure girl that I used to be somewhere deep inside of me. I saw the bench where I used to sit with my ‘friends’ in 9th grade and the classroom I retreated to when they began to bully me. I passed by the locker me and my 3 friends shared and sat in front of  in 10th grade. I visited my 11th grade English teacher, Ms. Kelly (it took her a second to remember who I was, but when she did she said, “Ah! I remember you, you are a good writer). I don’t really remember anything from 12th grade. I had a half day schedule and as soon as third period was over I was gone.

What I remember the most though, was how much of an influence two of my  English teachers had on me; it is because of them I want to be an English teacher. Now here I am, five years later, walking through these halls again not as a high school student, but as college student.

I have already experienced high school, now it is time for me to observe it. This should be interesting.

 

Einstein’s Main Street

It is the 3rd Week of Classes

And my professor is just now giving us our syllabus. What. The. Fuck.

I am starting to get on my own nerves

I have been “writing a paper” for the past couple of hours, and still I haven’t accomplished anything. It’s not like I am not trying to write this paper, it is just that every time I begin to focus on one aspect of this piece of literature I find another aspect that I could write about. Then when I have finally found what my focus will be, I know what I want to write about but I can’t seem to get the words out. So then I think about it and convince myself that I need to find a new focus point and then the cycle beings all over again. I don’t even realize I am doing it until I glance at the clock and realize that I have wasted an hour or two.

I have all of these great ideas swarming around in my head. But as soon as I put pen to paper they all want to escape at the same time causing my brain to go on overdrive and then just completely crash.

IT IS SO FRUSTRATING!

 

Going Back to High School

This semester I am completing my second field experience, meaning I will be going into a school and observing a class (teacher and students). I have been waiting to find out what school I have been assigned all week. Today, I finally saw the email I was waiting and when I opened it up I was shocked to find I was assigned to good o’l Albert Einstein High. The four years I spent there I can honestly say were the worst four years of my life. I never though in a million years that I would ever step foot in that god-forsaken place again. But here I am, assigned to go back. Life is funny that way, you finally leave the place were you spent four miserable years of your life only to return there nearly 5 years. I like to think that everything happens for a reason, and maybe the reason for this is to prove to me how far I have come and remind me of why I have embarked on this journey to becoming a high school teacher.

Quote of the Day

Sleepless Nights

You lay next to me sound asleep, as I lay here restlessly awake. My mind playing the days events over in my head. I desperately wish sleep would come to me as it did to you, yet it evades me. So now, here I lay, chasing sleep.

Make it Stop (September’s Children)

As you all may know, September is national Suicide Awareness month. In honor of this month I want to share with you a song by one of my favorite bands, Rise Against. Hope you all enjoy.

 

Woah, woah.

Bang, bang go the coffin nails, like a breath exhaled,
Then gone forever.
It seems like just yesterday, how did I miss the red flags raised?
Think back to the days we laughed.
We braved these bitter storms together.
Brought to his knees he cried,
But on his feet he died.

What God would damn a heart?
And what God drove us apart?
What God could?

Make it stop.
Let this end.
Eighteen years pushed to the ledge.
It’s come to this,
A weightless step.
On the way down singing,
Woah, woah.

Bang, bang from the closet walls,
The schoolhouse halls,
The shotgun’s loaded.
Push me and I’ll push back.
I’m done asking, I demand.

From a nation under God,
I feel its love like a cattle prod.
Born free, but still they hate.
Born me, no I can’t change.

It’s always darkest just before the dawn.
So stay awake with me, let’s prove them wrong.

Make it stop.
Let this end,
Eighteen years pushed to the ledge.
It’s come to this,
A weightless step.
On the way down singing,
Woah, woah.

The cold river washed him away,
But how could we forget?
The gatherings hold candles, but not their tongues.

And too much blood has flown from the wrists,
Of the children shamed for those they chose to kiss.
Who will rise to stop the blood?

We’re calling for,
Insisting on, a different beat, yeah.
A brand new song.

Whoa, whoa [x3]
(Tyler Clementi, age 18.
Billy Lucas, age 15.
Harrison Chase Brown, age 15
Cody J. Barker, age 17
Seth Walsh, age 13.)

Make it stop,
Let this end.
This life chose me, I’m not lost in sin.
But proud I stand of who I am,
I plan to go on living.

Make it stop,
Let this end,
All these years pushed to the ledge,
But proud I stand, of who I am,
I plan to go on living